I have just given a statement to the police about my shed break in. The nice young PC who came to the allotment to view the damage seemed keen to finger one of my fellow allotmenteers. He speculated that someone might have attacked my shed because they were “jealous” – jealous of my nice, neat plot perhaps or maybe because I have the only blue shed on the site. This is a ridiculous theory. I told him that other sheds had been broken into in the past and – worse than that – vegetables had been stolen like my friend Tomato Man’s giant pumpkin although the PC didn’t write any of this down, which is a shame because the Case of the Missing Giant Pumpkin could well have been the case that made his name.