I fear the success of Dan’s cucumber trumpet has gone to his head because yesterday he had some kind of brainstorm and tried to to make a musical instrument out of a chilli. The flaws in this scheme would have been obvious to a weak-minded child with water on the brain but Dan went full steam ahead. Steam is right because soon steam was coming out of his ears. Chillis are hot, Dan. There was some sort of twisted logic behind the madness. We have been trying to find ways to include more vegetables in the show, especially using them as musical instruments. One of our songs is about a man who grows the world’s hottest chilli and Dan thought it would be “amazing” if that song featured a chilli solo in place of the red kazoo that I play. I did tell Dan that I was not keen on the idea of playing a chilli but he forged ahead and filled the kitchen with pungent fumes, which went up my nose and made it hard for me to breathe. Soon Dan was hunched over the sink sloshing water into his mouth until I suggested he tried milk, which is good for chilli burn. So he drained a carton of milk, which meant there was no milk left for our tea. All in all it was an unsuccessful experiment. Once Dan had recovered we spent the rest of the evening trying to make a carrot recorder. Much safer.