This miserable assemblage of shredded leaves used to be a cabbage. I am very cross because ALL my cabbages are now ex-cabbages like this thanks to Derrick the Evil Pigeon and his gang of loutish henchpigeons, who have decimated my crop. This is the first year I have attempted to grow cabbages and I hadn’t realised just how popular they are with pigeonkind. Any fool knows the link between pigeons and cabbages, according to Dan who explained it all to me during last night’s rehearsal in the manner of Dr DG Hessayon. Apparently both pigeons and cabbages used to live on cliffs, which is why cabbages are basically a staple pigeon food and even though pigeons now live everywhere they still can’t get enough of their favourite cliff snack. Dan had been drinking but he assures me this is true. I should have netted my cabbages, he says.
Anyway, cabbages are the least of my worries as Dan and I have been hard at work preparing a special treat for the audience at our next show in Leeds on Wednesday. We shall be premiering a NEW song about the hosepipe ban, which involves me doing a very complicated dance and playing an exciting musical instrument that I only played for the first time yesterday. It may all go horribly wrong with hilarious results. Come to the show and find out!
Also listen out for us on BBC Radio Leeds on Wednesday morning at about 10am when I may well demonstrate my new instrument. You can also catch a taster of the show at Leeds Kirkgate Market at about 11am when we will be performing on a converted stall with a genuine veg stall on one side and a flower stall on the other.