I just received a worried email from our allotment society, telling me that Southwark’s Parks Department have insisted on removing the cherry laurels from the fence around our site. Apparently the laurels leak toxins, which are “really bad news” for the council’s officially protected trees. The trouble is, now the vegetation has been removed, it is rather obvious that our allotment’s boundary fence is small, wooden, and easy to hop over.
The email warned us to be vigilant and on the look-out for thieves. Luckily, there’s nothing to steal, because I’ve been so busy touring our show about growing vegetables that I’m late sowing my actual vegetables.
Perhaps I ought to write a rap battle between an angry plotholder and an allotment intruder, just in case.