It’s National Allotments Week with allotmenteers up and down the country hosting parties on their plots. I am celebrating by giving presents to all my friends. I say “presents” but I mainly mean marrows as I have a massive surplus plus too many French beans and runner beans. I managed to give a big bag of beans, virtually a hill of beans, to Dan the other night. He seemed pleased. I hope he doesn’t swap them for a cow in a backwards version of Dan and the Beanstalk. He had to strap the bag of beans to the back of his bike because it was so full and bulging with beans. I managed to sneak in a lone courgette so that’s one less to worry about – ha ha ha.