Like us and follow us

Can You Dig It on FacebookCan You Dig It on Twitter

Where have we been?

Our ambition is to tour Can You Dig It? to every county in the UK.

Dan gets a Valentine’s card

I was very excited to receive a Valentine’s card in the post today. However, on closer inspection, it turned out that what at a glance were kisses were in fact the footprints of a pigeon, and the message read not “I love you, Dan”, but “I no where yoo liv”.

Unfortunately the postmark is smudged, which makes it tricky to figure out who sent it.

I thought about it for a moment and I realised it mustn’t be from a pigeon at all. Although signed “Derrick”, the real-life Derrick The Evil Pigeon is far too clever and would simply have sent one of his minions to take me out. And note the use of a First Class stamp. Actual pigeons operate their own postal service, a very fast and efficient postal service. And in any case you can’t lick a stamp with a beak.

I decided it must be from a girl. The capital letters are pleasantly curved, and the postcard is prettily decorated with pigeon paws.

But sadly she is not a girl who in love with me. A true admirer would not have sent me a card on Valentine’s Day with an photograph of a mangy pigeon.

It is certainly someone who knows me well. Look at the tone of the message. It’s terrifying, isn’t it? How does the author know I would not instantly panic and call the police, or better still, pest control? She clearly believes that I would consider this sort of thing to be a hilarious prank.

Significantly, she includes the line “Honor Oak Park” in the address. This is a clanger. An ordinary fan, diligently looking up my address, would have correctly found that SE23 is the postal district of Forest Hill, not Honor Oak Park. A resident would know this too. The sender must therefore be a regular user of Honor Oak Park station, but crucially, not a local. So it’s someone who comes round my place a lot.

Two other things. The person who sent this has far, far too much time on her hands. And she’s old enough to remember a era when people wrote things on paper, and put them in the post.

I wonder who it is?

1 comment to Dan gets a Valentine’s card

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>