I am in a bad mood because of an ‘incident’ at my allotment this morning. I arrived in a good mood but sunshine soon turned to clouds when I was yet again greeted by one of my allotment neighbours with the cheery cry: “Hello, part-timer!” He added insult to injury by looking at his watch in an exaggerated fashion as if to imply I was somehow late and had been slacking. This was VERY ANNOYING. Who is he to call me a part-timer? I am always at the allotment and very much full-time despite the fact I am also appearing in the best vegetable cultivation-based musical comedy show EVER, which no one on my allotment actually knows about yet. I can’t tell them because some of the songs are about real people who might get cross and drive me off my plot with forks.