Alas, poor beetroot, I grew him, Horatio. This is me admiring one of the large and luscious beetroots I grew on my allotment. Is ‘beetroots’ the plural of beetroot or is it just ‘beetroot’? I am sure Dan would know. He’d certainly be able to tell me all the words that rhyme with beetroot having consulted his well-thumbed rhyming dictionary, an essential tool for all good comic songwriters (I don’t have one). Anyway, I have big plans for these beetroot or beetroots. I shall be making them into borscht. Beetroot is a much under-rated vegetable, I believe. Although it can also be dangerous. I once had a terrible mishap with an unattended pan of violently bubbling beetroot soup, which ended up with the entire kitchen – floor, ceiling and walls – drenched in red liquid. It was like a scene from a slasher movie.